‘Even god can’t stop rapes in UP’ remark shocks even gods: sources

Gods warn Indian netas against the itch to ape outgoing UP governor. Here's a spoof report

shantanu

Shantanu Datta | July 22, 2014



A day after Uttar Pradesh’s outgoing governor Aziz Qureshi invoked the gods to stop crimes against women, a flurry of activity was reported from Heaven Extension.

According to sources close to the heavenly proceedings, several mid- to junior-ranking gods from among the purported 33 crore gods in the Hindu godly system’s hierarchical order heaved a sigh of relief that Qureshi is relieving office. “Oh god, not again! What are we supposed to do with such ridiculous statements?” a representative of the gods said, quoting her seniors.

Stressing that they have no inclination to “come down”, as Qureshi put it, the representative said a special meeting was called by these gods – often referred to as the ministers of state, or junior ministers, in the divine cabinet – to discuss the issue soon after Qureshi made the remark on Monday (July 21). The meeting unanimously decided to let the poor human beings take care of law and order undoing of their doing, it was reported.

“There is no reason on earth why we should descend there,” one junior minister reportedly said in the meeting.

For the uninitiated on planet earth who cannot care less, the governor had yesterday said, “Even if the entire police force is deployed, then also rape will not end...occurrence of rape cannot be stopped.”

Then came the bouncer in the guise of a googly: ''Even God cannot stop such crime from taking place in UP."

However, like all politicians who shoot from the mouth first and apply their brains subsequently, Qureshi, too, said later that he was quoted out of context. "It (an end to crimes against women) is possible perhaps if god takes an incarnation and comes down, otherwise crime cannot be controlled," Qureshi later said. “There is a need to create public opinion, an atmosphere against crime and create fear among the culprits," he said further, trying to sound sensible.

Meanwhile, in a statement reportedly issued following their meeting, representatives of the heavenly junior cabinet strongly condemned Qureshi’s remark, calling it irresponsible. The statement also warned tribesmen/women from Qureshi’s tribe – putting-their-feet-where-their-mouths-are band of political leaders – from aping Qureshi’s remark on rape, or going one up on him. “We urge all Indian politicians to turn into Manmohan Singh for the time being. They need to let their silence be heard – loud and clear,” it said.

Commenting on conditions of anonymity one junior minister, who took part in the said meeting, said Qureshi’s remark came out as so daft that it did not befit even the tribe of Indian politicians, known to make comments off, on or beyond the cuff, especially when it comes to crimes against women. “It is a non-cognisable offence on Qureshi’s part, in which the said remark was not recognisable by his head and thus his hands, or any other bodily part, cannot arrest his mouth,” the representative said.

Pointing out chief minister’s latest action – of threatening action in case of non-action in rape cases in the state – even as this report was being filed, the representative said, “If this is how the seniormost leaders of the state act and react, action and reaction has very bleak future here. May god help UP in that case.”

Asked whether that last statement did not echo Qureshi’s, the telephone froze.

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