Was this the selfie that launched a million tweets,
And beat and singed the topless pics of wannabe celebs?
Sweet Voter, make us immortal with a kiss.
 
In an unconventional break from convention, it was learnt that leaders of the third, fourth, fifth and sixth fronts came together at a convention hall somewhere in an undisclosed location in central Delhi on Monday morning to discuss Ellen Whatshername’s selfie that broke all records, and some Oscar statutes.

Since this was soon after Twitter crashed momentarily – breaking down, the T reportedly asked for some black tea to get back up – tweets sent to several possible leaders of other wannabe fronts could not assemble at the proverbial minute’s notice. We were hiding under the table, nibbling merrily at the Marie biscuits and wondering whether better fare was on offer on the other side of the table, when the hot discussions were going on over steaming hot tea. So excerpts from the bits and bites of the conversation we managed to snatch and steal. Any resemblance with any politician – whether serving, disserving or otherwise – is purely coincidental.

Prakash Karat: Ladies and gentlemen, we have to beat that record. That’s top of the agenda. Imagine, 2 million tweets in just two hours! How many votes would that be (and starts counting)!

Mamata Banerjee: (stops counting) Shell fish, selfie-ish. We cannot be part of any coalition – ei, ki bolchhi sorry –selfie promotion that promotes Maoists and communists.

Lalu Prasad: (counting possible votes in a no-Congress, non-BJP, non-third/fourth/fifth-front and non-RJD alliance real fast till this point, he suddenly stops) Is selfie secular?

Mayawati: Any selfie, by definition, must have an Ambedkar statue and 127 elephant statues in the background. Hence proved = Ellen’s selfie is not a real selfie.

Gurudas Dasgupta: Aye aye; it is only a faux-selfie that pretends to be a selfie because it is funded by Americans and floated on a float that floats on capitalist, worker-throttling media that is social only in name.

Lalu Prasad: (counting possible votes in a no-Congress, non-BJP, non-third/fourth/fifth-front and non-RJD alliance real fast till this point, he suddenly stops) Is selfie a socialist on social media?

Jayalalithaa representative: (purses lips) All Amma’s tweets get more retweets than that Oscar one.

Omar Abdullah: (looking up from live-tweeting the event) Is she taking Rajnikanth’s help (and then promptly tweets this quotable quote; attracts 38 RTs and 138 favourites)

Mulayam Singh Yadav: Let’s not digress. What’s a selfie? Shia or Sunni? Will our minority brothers like it?

Naveen Pattnaik: Sitting on the fence of the yard leading up to the door of the house that would host the greatest election in democratic India, we should decide pronto whether a sefie is a self-defeating tweet masquerading as a marauder (to which everyone present in the hall gives him ‘that’ look – staying or going?)

Arvind Kejriwal (honorary guest): Meri kya auqat hai (gets RTed a thousand times – 187 RTs by AAP supporters and rest by NaMo fans). But I have here with me a document that says Twitter is corrupt.

HD Deve Gowda: We must make our stand clear. A third front with Nitish and Jayalalithaa as PM candidates or no selfie (everyone but the Left vacate the hall).

Nitish Kumar: This selfie should help us fetch special status for Bihar. Who is the man in NaMo mask?

Man in NaMo mask: I am not the man in NaMo mask. I am a Twitter representative checking the trends.
 
[And they all leave with a promise to meet again – to decide on the alternative front, and the selfie proposal as well.]
 
PS: With apologies to Christopher Marlowe (I am good at apologies after filching a line or three; I excel in it, in fact).