Nothing to cow about

India’s latest attraction: oxygen-exhaling cows. This is one Make in India which needs no further explanation

rahul

Rahul Dass | January 19, 2017 | New Delhi


#Jallikattu   #Oxygen   #Vasudev Devnani   #Cow  

(Illustration: Ashish Asthana)

Rajasthan education minister Vasudev Devnani has said that cows not only inhale oxygen, they also exhale it. He is right.

Not content to be armed with this priceless gem, I decided to cross-check it. I looked around and spotted a cow sitting on the roadside. I walked up to her and sniffed. Ah! Bad breath. Couldn’t inhale more to find out what she was exhaling. The experiment was a complete failure and the cow was not amused.

But, I do take the minister’s word for it. He knows.

In fact, Devnani has opened up a host of possibilities, which will ensure that the cows, which are currently busy being brand ambassadors of the Swachh Bharat campaign, can get a more exalted status.

For once, the scientists working feverishly to generate oxygen so that people can one day travel to the moon and Mars need not look further than Indian cows. Just take cows in spacesuits to wherever you want. The whole oxygen problem is solved. Of course, it will solve one problem and create another.

What do you do with cow’s breath which is a heady mix of grass and what not?

Then, hospitals will stop stocking oxygen cylinders. A cow can amble in when an operation is on and her breath is enough to keep the patient in good health. If the patient is unconscious, then that is a different matter. Not sure how a patient will react on coming to the senses and seeing oneself face to face with a beaming cow.

The minister will be kind enough to apply for a patent for oxygen exhaling cows. After using cow dung and cow urine, even her breath is an elixir of life. For the recalcitrant, a kick from a cow’s hooves should be enough.

Cows could play a more significant role in our lives. In Tamil Nadu, following the row over Jallikattu, we could now use cows instead of bulls. And call it ‘jalikati’.

The popular lexicon in India will now have to change. We will no longer have the bullish run at the stock exchange. Instead, we will have a cowish run.

Oh! I did check out. Cows do exhale oxygen. Cows don’t produce oxygen, but exhale oxygen which it has not utilised. It is just that all mammals do that. No big deal about it.

Even you and me could be exhaling oxygen which we have not been able to utilise.

The last I checked, the cow was still sitting on the roadside and chewing the cud. She looked content and not concerned about her oxygen-rich breath.

Devnani was right all along about the cows. Wish he is around when cows don spacesuits…

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