Not clear whose head or wardrobe muffler belongs to, cops launch muffler-hunt: sources
Shantanu Datta | March 15, 2014
In what can be dubbed the first such revelation since the spotting of aliens, it emerged this morning that Arnab Goswami, the lord of the rings and master of The Newshour, had a nightmare last night. According to highly placed sources based closed to Goswami’s brain cells, the celebrated editor-anchor-heckler dreamt that a muffler was attempting to choke him, and then lead him towards a road that led to Mumbai’s Arthur Road Jail.
According to sources, Goswami got up the moment the muffler tried to stifle him and gulped down a glass of water. He asked the muffler, which by then had turned into a garrotte and threatening to turn further into a snake – a la Sridevi in Naagin – and hiss at him like Mallika Sherawat in a film of the same name, whether it was trying to choke his voice. “You can choke me, sir. You cannot choke my voice. We are unlike other channels where you can get away by such tactics. But other channels and I are as different as choke and cheese,” he reportedly thundered at the muffler.
While it is not known whether the muffler-turned-garrotte was still doing the snake dance when Goswami retorted, we can confirm from sources close to a stray mosquito in the room that it had tried to reply on at least two occasions but was silenced by the man known to his critics differently as The Critic, or Deep Throat, or His Masters Voice. The lone mosquito, which was by then trying to find an escape route, told your correspondent confidentially that Goswami also threatened to call up other panellists.
Describing the late-night scene of action, the mosquito, which was shivering in fright even six hours on, said: “I was happy doing some sting operation when I heard a noise. This muffler, which seems to have emerged out of nowhere, like characters in a badly plotted Bollywood flick, was trying out a new snake dance step. But Goswami sir soon got up and began the show. At one point, he also asked the intruder, ‘Are you afraid of tough questions? I will continue to ask tough questions’.”
The mosquito also said, “I think the muffler-turned-snake dancer was in a knotty spot to give a clear answer. It could also be possible that I missed the answer in all that noise.”
While the mosquito could not give more details, a source close to an ant scurrying past the scene of crime at the same time said the muffler-turned-garrotte-turned-Srideviesque snake dancer also made threatening gestures, possibly indicting that it wanted to throw the renowned journalist in jail. “Are you threatening me, sir? Don’t shoot the messenger,” Goswami is reported to have said 237 times at this juncture.
It is still not clear whose head or wardrobe the muffler belongs to. The muffler is still at large and the Mumbai police has launched a muffler-hunt.
Social media is already abuzz with the developments, with #FreakyFriday trending.
Joseph A Cannataci is the UN’s first and current special rapporteur for the right to privacy appointed by the Human Rights Council (HRC) in July 2015. His appointment came with growing global concerns about threats to privacy in the digital age where governments and big corporations collect mass da
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