Bhatkal arrest and conspiracy theories

Why he was arrested now: Leaks from different war rooms to tackle a varied form of crises offer different reasons for the Indian Mujahideen CEO’s arrest at this economy-Asaram-food bill-rupee juncture

shantanu

Shantanu Datta | August 29, 2013



As news channels and online services flashed the news ‘Yasin Bhatkal arrested’ early Thursday (Aug 29) morning, there were murmurs of excitement in quite a few war rooms across the country, it is learnt.

By afternoon, as handouts by the police and other agencies concerned in nabbing the key accused in several terror attacks in the country began leaving an indelible imprint, there were reports that the temperature in these ‘situation rooms’ rose faster than the value of dollar against the rupee.

A terrorist with an impressive CV – Hyderabad, Mumbai, Pune (German bakery) blasts, besides terror attacks in Ahmedabad, Surat, Bangalore and Delhi, among many others to show for – Bhatkal is said to be the co-founder and CEO of the terror organisation Indian Mujahideen.

While Bihar police – suddenly in the limelight after having to deal with thugs, abductors, caste and communal combatants for years –claims it is the force that led the “secret operation”, sources said leaks from different war rooms have revealed different reasons.

We cannot authenticate the authenticity of the source of information disclosed by sources, so read with a pinch of salt next to you.
 
1. According to a fly operating in close proximity to the prime minister’s office, Bhatkal’s arrest is a move to take the attention off the escalating tension for the Indian rupee and Indian economy. “Everyone knew Arnab Goswami would have continued to go ballistic on Newshour, hounding poor Congress spokespersons like Salman Soz for failing to answer economy-related questions in the time allocated to him economically. Soz kept raising a fountain pen in his right hand to make a point each time the words ‘UPA’ and ‘Congress’ was caught in his radar but was so frustrated by the end of the show last night that he could not sleep well,” the fly said.

Sources said the Congress high command, whose tallest leaders were watching the Newshour show in the party war room, decided to spread the news base for Goswami, and the nation, so that they let poor men like Soz breathe slightly easy.
 
2. Having promised to the nation on sworn Newshour to keep fighting on both economic and Asaram fronts, Arnab Goswami, it is learnt, decided to open a third front tonight since … the nation demands it. According to sources close to people who serve tea in the Newshour war room, sorry studio, he wants to roar for the nation as well since the Pakistanis are not doing much to sneak militants past the LoC at this juncture.

As we read this, Goswami is learnt to be sharpening his pencil, which he will use to draw an arc in the air while railing against the terrorists and terror-friendly neighbours.
 
3. But another highly unreliable source operating from somwhere near the Nepal border said Yasin Bhatkal got himself arrested after the secret service operatives of a neighbouring country, who were allegedly hosting him for a while, refused to extend the lease agreement with him. “With the dollar becoming so expensive, Bhatkal could not buy much with the scrap papers (read the Indian rupee) he was carrying in his backpack. He thought it was better to be what rightwing Hindu leaders would call a state guest in India than having to fend for himself and strategise the next terror attack at the same time,” the extremely unreliable source said.

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