What do politicians do when caught with their pants down, metaphorically speaking of course? They feign ignorance — that is to say the pants never existed. And what do politicians do when a relative or family member is caught with his pants down, employing the same laboured metaphor, of course? They feign ignorance — that is to say the pants and the relative may exist, but he (the neta) had no role in to play.

Of course.

So what did Pawan Kumar Bansal, the country’s railway minister, have to say a day after the CBI caught his nephew for allegedly accepting a bribe of Rs 90 lakh for allegedly fixing a top-level position in the railway board? He said he has no “business relationship” with the nephew — V Singla, arrested by the CBI from Chandigarh on Friday for allegedly accepting Rs 90 lakh cash from Manjunath, a conduit of Mahesh Kumar, who was recently promoted as member (staff) in the railway board and was, according to reports, eyeing a lucrative position as member (electrical) on the board.

“I have no knowledge or proof about the matter at all. Though a close relative, he (Singla) or any other relative of mine does not and cannot meddle in my official function or influence my decision,” Bansal said in a statement. “There is also no business relationship between his and my family.

"I have always observed highest standard of probity in public life and look forward to an expeditious investigation by CBI in the matter.”

All going according to script.

And talking about scripts — an apt tribute to the 100-year-old Bollywood — how do other political parties/leaders act in such circumstances. They call for the owner of the pulled-down pants, or the in-position close kin of the said pants’ owner, to be pulled out and cast aside. In other words, quit.

Over to the BJP’s Ram Asrey Kushwaha: “The prime minister and Sonia Gandhi need to realise that it is the railway minister’s relative who has been arrested with Rs 90 lakh. We want them to remove corrupt ministers in the government and Pawan Bansal must resign on moral grounds.”

In fact, words like moral ground or conscience are invoked quite liberally in such circumstances, though it is a million-rupee question as to how a man deemed corrupt could have grounds to nurse morality or conscience. Be that as it may, Dinesh Trivedi, Bansal’s predecessor best known to defy his party boss Mamata Banerjee for three days after presenting what many call a groundbreaking railway budget on March 14, 2012 before finally coming around to deify her on the fourth day and resign as per her wish and command, has also called in question the abovementioned conscience.

According to a report in firstpost.com, Trivedi told CNN-IBN that it is a “sad day for Indian Railways”.

“The system is rotten and without corruption it is hard to get promotion,” he told the channel. Asked whether Bansal should resign, Trivedi said, “Leave it to Pawan Kumar Bansal’s conscience if he wants to continue.”

Hmmm, conscience? How can politicians who don't know of the physical existence of their relatives, their businesses or their pants, be expected to acknowledge the metaphysical?