If you thought Indira Gandhi’s pseudo-socialist diktats are a thing of the past, and best left for WikiLeaks to handle further, you live in a fool’s world. It’s happening, it’s here, and it’s now. And it’s tough to figure out the expression and adjective of exasperation: incredulous or ridiculous?

With Doordarshan and All India Radio (AIR) run to the ground by successive governments, the UPA administration now wants private television channels to fund, at least partially, these two so-called public service networks.

According to a report in today’s Hindustan Times, a committee formed by the government wants private channels to pay a ‘public broadcast fee’ to the government, which will be used by DD and AIR to run social benefit programmes.

While the jury is out on the purported ‘benefits’ brought in by the programmes run on DD and AIR, the government’s sheer expectation is amazing and exasperating in equal parts. Why should the private channels part with any money, raked in through programmes made painstakingly, for programmes on rival stations where officials purportedly scratch all other body parts but their brain?

Why should DD and AIR’s sheer incompetence, lethargy and unprofessionalism, already subsidised by the average taxpayer, get more dole?

Why should a private channel’s success be seen as a source from where it could be fleeced?

Why should DD’s utterly ludicrous programmes be made in the first place, screened thereafter to inflict horror on the poor public, and, as a salad dressing, get funds both public and private?

Why should programmes ideated by some babu (allegedly with brains), and cleared by another babu as allegedly beneficial to the society at large, deserve to get any money — let alone bleed rival channels?

Why should the information and broadcasting ministry, under the aegis of the uber-chic Manish Tewari, not let the private channels do both the ideating and executing work for such programmes if they are to cough up a ‘fee’?

The committee, headed by Sam Pitroda, the chairman of national innovation council, was formed to propose ways to maintain the autonomous status of Prasar Bharati and have an independent financing mechanism, the report states.

Autonomous? Doordarshan? Did the committee members read up one too many Santa-Banta jokes to take up the mandate? How can they ever suggest “ways to maintain” a status which does not exist in the first place? Hang on, there must be a disconnect somewhere. Didn’t Ajai Shukla, hired from a private channel to head DD’s primetime, blue-chip programnme News Night, had to quit just the other day, reportedly the victim of an anti-government tirade by the BJP’s Tarun Vijay on his programme? [More here]

Didn’t a circular sent out on March 14, reportedly signed by Prasar Bharati CEO Jawahar Sircar, spell it out for all those unique folks toying with the words autonomy and autonomous within the ambits of DDA that “no programme, content will be put on air in DD (N) 24-hour transmission without the explicit approval of DG (News)/ ADG (News). No guest will be invited for any news/ current affairs or any other programme on DD (News) without the prior approval of DG (News)/ADG (News)”?

So who is the government kidding? Who does it think it is fooling with words like public service obligation?

The HT report says Manish Tewari has ruled out the possibility of keeping Prasar Bharati free from government control if his ministry has to foot the bill. “Two-thirds of the I&B ministry's budget — Rs. 18.85 billion out of Rs. 28 billion — goes to Prasar Bharati. I am the recruiting authority, the disciplinary authority, the sanctioning authority. Yet, I am supposed to have them at arm's length. I am not God," he is quoted.

That’s quite all right, Mr Tewari. Just what makes you think private parties would be willing to chip in for inane programmes with money that is likely to be used to prop up your party and your government?

So, no, this is not forced taxation — this is plain and simple highway robbery.

This is not just another bad idea. It’s an incredibly reprehensible idea that should be flung away with force.