Years ago when I was taught first in school about rapeseed, my friends and I were blushing and in splits. After the class we wondered and laughed for hours discussing how this seed of rape could spread crime in our society. The joke is back – in nothing-but-funny theories our political masters have been propounding of rape of late. Seems like failure to curb the crime has driven them to its philosophical edge – trying to find the real culprit, perhaps in our DNA. 

West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee believes free interaction between men and women leads to rapes. CNN-IBN quoted Mamata saying: "Earlier if men and women would hold hands, they would get caught by parents and reprimanded but now everything is so open. It's like an open market with open options.” If Mamata has her way, does this hint at a law in the offing when there would be separate entries for men and women in their offices and a huge wall separating the two genders at workplace? Restraining people from mingling freely might be a problem in today’s time but enforcing it may work! Didi knows that the best. Being her well-wisher, I wish Mamata is cautious enough and restrains from “free interaction” when she is surrounded by hundreds of men in the political arena.

In the wake of recent spurt in rape cases in Haryana, sensibilities of former CM Om Prakash Chautala were seriously hurt. He put his years of wisdom to use and zeroed in on marrying girls early to end rapes. But how can it be ensured that no married man ever rapes a woman? Fellow politician and Haryana Congress leader Dharamvir Goyat came up with his own. He said that 90% women who are allegedly raped “willingly accompany the men initially but are trapped in gang rapes later”. If one is to rely on the figure quoted by Goyat, women are a dangerous lot and men are susceptible and gullible! 

But the reason given by the mighty khaps for rising rape incidents in the state will leave the Chinese thinking to review their menu let alone we Indians. Khap leader Jitender  Chhataar said that men experience hormonal imbalances when they eat chowmein and momos and they commit rape. His statement is an eye-opener. Next time you get to your favourite bowl of noodles, pray keep women away. Momo somehow always sounded kinky. The khap’s assertion provides the food scientist another area of research left unexplored so far. They should start examining the ingredients of chowmein and find out as to which variant (hakka, chicken, schezwan, Singapore, etc) is the most dangerous of the lot. I am instantly reminded of a friend who dotes on Chinese food. Each time he visits a restaurant, he orders chowmein. Should I now doubt his intentions each time he sits with a plate full of that sinful food and caution women around given the innumerable plates he has gobbled gleefully in all these years? 

Rewind. Remember the spurt in rape cases in Gurgaon a few months ago which threatened its Millennium City tag? The government and the police drew much flak from all as it was increasingly becoming unsafe for women in the city after dusk. Delhi chief minister Sheila Dixit had come up with the suggestion that women should not venture out after sunset. One should not doubt her noble intentions in the event of the failing police. Give it a second thought – do men really become that dangerous after sunset? If one is to believe Dixit, a man’s predatory instincts are at its peak after sunset. This is the time when animals, birds and most living creatures go to rest and fall asleep by night. But this ‘social animal’ called ‘man’ has adrenalin rushing in his veins as darkness descends no matter what work kept him occupied for the entire day. So women must beware of men, who might be their friend during the office hours, as they would be exposed to the villainous side after sunset. Madam CM’s advice must be considered by my women friends as it is better to be safe than sorry. At the same time, should not the CM think of putting this immense ‘manpower’ (as some men get onto their next job after sunset) to some better use than ask women to confine themselves to their homes. Time to think, ma’am and didi and tau!