A smoker has two friends: a stick and a matchbox. And s/he as many foes: a nonsmoker and tax.

Lately, though, the foe count is increasing as both nonsmokers and taxes head north. Add to it a third foe, the opportunistic politician, and a smoker’s personal, Hamletesque tragic circle is complete.

A couple of couplets from a couple of politicians in the last couple of months:

“What does a finance minister turn to when he requires resources? The answer is cigarettes. I propose to increase the specific excise duty on cigarettes by about 18 percent.”

"To raise the fund (to bail out Saradha group victims), we will impose 10 percent tax on cigarettes.... Smoking more would not harm but would help in raising money for those who have been duped.”

For a smoker, this is as tragic as it gets, almost Marxist in scale. Remember the jazz about history repeating itself — the first time as tragedy and the second time around as farce? Looks like the ol’ chap really could have been talking about politics circa 2013.

The first time as a tragedy, eh P Chidambaram? And the second time as farce, right, Mamata Banerjee?

What Chidambaram did during his budget speech on February 28 this year was to spell out what was being done all the while but never acknowledged. And with it, he officially opened the doors for his compatriots in different states to pass on the onus of raising money for the governments’ coffers, most of which are drained by inefficiency and political handouts of the governments themselves.

Amit Mitra, the finance minister of West Bengal, a state not known to be averse to either inefficiency or political largesse, was prompt to take the cue, increasing the VAT on tobacco-related products from 20 percent to 25 percent while presenting his budget within a fortnight.

On April 24, his chief minister, Mamata Banerjee, showed she, too, had learnt her peculiar pecuniary lessons well. Announcing the 10-percent tax, she said this will “get us around Rs 150 core” of the Rs 500-crore payout package she had announced for the tens of thousands of poor investors who had bought into Sudipta Sen’s stink peddled in the name of get-rich-quick dream.

As a smoker, I obviously condemn Sen’s insanity and confidence to con the gullible — two attributes, as is emerging slowly, shared also by many several honchos in Banerjee’s own party — just as any of my fellow smoking and non-smoking brother, sister, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or friend would. What I also condemn is the fact that only I — along with my fellow smoking brother, sister, uncle, aunt, nephew, niece or friend — am being asked to help repay those poor gullible souls.

My non-smoking brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces or friends would be able to get away by only shaking their heads in disbelief and condemning the toxic nexus between the conmen (and women) and the corrupt in the lead setup.

So, three quick questions for the CM...

1. Did the smokers have a hand in the Saradha group’s shams and scams?
2. Did the smokers light their first cigarette after signing an affidavit that they would bear all responsibilities of the society and help out the government at times of crises (manmade, mostly)?
3. Since all hearts are bleeding for the poor, which they obviously should, why not a 10-percent tax hike on, just randomly, rasgullas, shondesh, realty or sur-reality?

...And one guilty confession:

Thankfully, I don’t live in Bengal (and can thus shake my head in condemning Banerjee’s damning decision that will leave fellow smokers in the state a little more shaken).