If it wasn’t so comical, it would be grand tragedy. Except for embarrassing 1.2 billion Indians and providing gales of mocking laughter for India’s detractors and enemies, real and imagined, the report on the ‘coup’ attempt by what amounts to a possible maximum of 4,000 soldiers from two battalions is farcical.
 
The Armoured Division is really an all tank affair and the Paras generally leap out of aircraft, so there was no real marching Infantry band of brothers making for the capital.
 
Since nowhere in history has a failed coup been kept a secret, this is a record breaker. Coups, by their very nature, are do-or-die exercises. A failed coup, ipso facto, produces traitors and a trail that is extremely easy to follow. You just cannot keep it under a lid or pretend it did not happen. Not for a day, certainly not for months. Those sinister plotters involved don’t sort of say, oh well, let’s go back to barracks, maybe on another night. The moment they are on the move they are committed to hell and back.
 
If you are going to topple the government, you should have done your homework and have some clue where you are going. That would be the basic tenet. Evidently those who wrote it up as a great journalistic expose had no idea of military strategy or how ops work. 
 
One, they have been unable to pinpoint exactly what the target areas were for these men and when they would fan out.  Non-specific marches are hardly dangerous and if they were specific the commanders would have known in advance and yet, not one of them said, hey, wait a minute, why am I attacking station X or national edifice Y? And each one of them would have known he was being a traitor facing the death penalty by firing squad.
 
Two, in any military adventurism there have to be concentric circles. If two battalions are moving in, who are their leaders, where are the backups, how many brigades and divisions in the scattered upcountry cantonments were on alert or moving in and how many senior commanders were part of this ‘devious’ plot. None? Ten? Five? Do we assume that half-way there they just sort of got orders to return home and they trotted back and that was that? Not a word about this sortie, no leak, no chatter, no psssttts, all of these natural manna for army mess conversations. For over two months nothing came out and we are expected to believe such folderol.
 
Now, let’s get serious, where were the air force and the navy? They were not part of all this? Right, so these 4,000 soldiers would have been mystified as they took over various locations in Delhi, assuming they followed orders and captured government strongholds. Where were the reinforcements and look at that dust cloud, those are our own guys come to take us out. By any military strategist’s logic, their ability to hold India’s civil government hostage would have lasted about an hour or two with no escape route or end clause and retaliation almost certain and swift. 
 
Why would they do it? They are not terrorists bent on creating chaos. They have no agenda to cause panic. They do not have an open-ended ‘que sera sera’ approach, they intend to take over the country according to reports, a coup is just that... taking command. These are trained soldiers untrained to fire on their own people. If there was even the slightest such pressure on their minds there would have been confusion in minutes and January 16, 2012 would have been a night of rampant chaos in the capital. 

We are now told that the civilian administration in an incandescent burst of genius reacted by slowing down traffic into Delhi and checking all cars so as to effectively block the soldiers, this great ring of fire being put up in all of ninety odd minutes. So much for the Patriot Missile system. Roll on floor with mirth here.  This trick worked. Sure, it did. Let’s see, 4,000-odd men armed ostensibly to the hilt prepared to take on forces of over 2 million strength and attempting a coup against their country (hardened buggers, yes) panicked because the Delhi traffic police were putting up road blocks. Wo, that is scary stuff. Actually, the inside story is that they were told Kiran Bedi was manning (?) the traffic block so they turned back for Agra, their morale shattered by this piece of information.

Wake up, stop hurting ourselves. India is not a Latin American Saturday night let’s take over the Presidential Palace sort of country. It is too disparate, too vast and has nearly a million paramilitary forces besides the three major arms. Historically, the armed forces are apolitical. You could not get your ducks in a row for a military coup of any proportion unless you had the three chiefs on the same page (well nigh impossible, these guys are so competitive and covetous of their forces) and for the army, at least half your Principal Staff Officers, no less than five army commanders, at least ten Corps Commanders and no less than twenty to thirty General Officers Commanding of Divisions. Not to even get to the hundreds of Brigadiers and Colonels.
 
The shocking part is how easy it is to con the people. Half of India actually believes there is some truth in it, that the military takeover attempt happened. After all, clumsy official responses add to the perception that something stinks in Delhi. True, well said. If nothing, General Singh must have wanted to flex muscle to get his one-year extension. Makes sense, right? Wrong. No General does something so stupid and place himself and the men under his command in jeopardy. Not with only 4,000 men.  Stop being so unutterably naïve. And end it here, because we are fast becoming the laughing stock of the world.